Responding to Feedback

My family and I were going to Westport.

I said “This is going to be the best day ever”.

Mum was going to  get a new bird. All five of us we climbed into the car. It was a hot day and we were all cramped together and everyone was talking about the new bird. The radio was going but fortunately it was quiet. I can’t remember what was on. It was just hum in the background.  

We passed the sign telling us we were in Westport. When we pulled up we all jumped out of the car, I was so excited. Mum asked us if we wanted to look in some shops.

I said. “Yes please.”

Mum took us to the Two Dollar Shop. I bought a necklace with a koru on it.

Time had passed quickly and we still didn’t have the bird.

Before we picked the bird we bought fish and chips for lunch. My favourite meal would be fish and chips and I was so happy. We looked at a picture of the new bird. The colour of the bird is green. I think the new bird Is going to be  amazing and I really, really like the colours on it.

Finally we got to pick up the bird. Then we realised that it was not a noisy bird. We were all really surprised to see all the pink feathers under the tail feathers. The bird had amazing colours and it looked awesome. That done Dad had one more thing he wanted to do before we left Westport.

We all headed off to Mitre 10. Dad had a look in mitre 10 for a new drill. Well it was meant to be quick look but it took ages. While  Dad was in mitre 10 Mum drove us to the beach to play. Thank goodness. At the beach mum and I had a game, a shell collecting game for $5. Who ever won the game got five dollars from the other person. Mum won but I am not giving her $5.  Disappointingly  Mum took us back to mitre 10. Before we knew it, it was time to go home but on the way home Mum took us to have a look at the seals.

When we arrived back home mum and dad put the bird into a temporary bird cage while dad build a new cage.

Dad got busy and started to build the new bird cage.

When he finished the new cage we tried to put the bird into the new cage. We began   to move the bird but as soon as we opened the door it shoot passed us. We had to try and catch it. We could see the bird flying all around the room and hear the flap, flap as its wings went up and down.

Finally, we caught the bird and very quickly shut him in his new cage and everyone was happy.

                                 

            

THE END

THANKS FOR READING.

Scarf

Kangaroo

Dice in the corner

The Perfect Day

I am learning to make my writing more interesting for the reader.

I know I will be able to do this when I add more detail, interesting words and include what I see, hear, smell and feel.

My family and I were going to Westport.

I said “This is going to be the best day ever”.

Mum was going to  get a new bird.five of us we climbed into the car.It was a hot day and we were all cramped together. Everyone was talking The radio was going but fortunately it was quiet. I can’t remember what was on it was just hum in the background. We were all talking about the new bird.  

We Passed the sign telling us we were in Westport.Then we all jumped out of the car I was so excited. Mum asked us if we wanted to look in some shops.

I said. “Yes please.”

Mum took us to the two dollar shop. I bought a necklace with a koru on it.

Time passed quickly and we still didn’t have the bird.

Before we picked the bird we bought fish and chips for lunch. My favourite meal would be fish and chips, I was so happy. We looked at a picture of the new bird The colour of the bird is green. I think the new bird Is going to be  amazing and I really, really like the colours on it.

Finally we got to pick up the bird. We were all really surprised to see all the pink under the tail feathers. The bird had amazing colours it looked awesome. Dad had one thing he wanted to do.

Dad had a look in mitre 10 to look for a new drill. Well it was meant to be quick but it took ages. While  Dad was in mitre 10 Mum drove us to the beach to play. Thank goodness. At the beach mum and I had a game a shell collecting games for $5. Who ever won the game got five dollars from the other person. Mum won but I am not giving her $5.

                                  

                                Disappointed about this, Mum took us back to mitre 10. Before we knew it, it was time to go home but on

the way home Mum took us to have a look at the seals.

             

THE END.

THANKS FOR READING.