Friday 14 October 2016

The Perfect Day

I am learning to make my writing more interesting for the reader.

I know I will be able to do this when I add more detail, interesting words and include what I see, hear, smell and feel.

My family and I were going to Westport.
I said “This is going to be the best day ever”.
Mum was going to  get a new bird.five of us we climbed into the car.It was a hot day and we were all cramped together. Everyone was talking The radio was going but fortunately it was quiet. I can’t remember what was on it was just hum in the background. We were all talking about the new bird.  


We Passed the sign telling us we were in Westport.Then we all jumped out of the car I was so excited. Mum asked us if we wanted to look in some shops.
I said. “Yes please.”
Mum took us to the two dollar shop. I bought a necklace with a koru on it.
Time passed quickly and we still didn’t have the bird.


Before we picked the bird we bought fish and chips for lunch. My favourite meal would be fish and chips, I was so happy. We looked at a picture of the new bird The colour of the bird is green. I think the new bird Is going to be  amazing and I really, really like the colours on it.


Finally we got to pick up the bird. We were all really surprised to see all the pink under the tail feathers. The bird had amazing colours it looked awesome. Dad had one thing he wanted to do.


Dad had a look in mitre 10 to look for a new drill. Well it was meant to be quick but it took ages. While  Dad was in mitre 10 Mum drove us to the beach to play. Thank goodness. At the beach mum and I had a game a shell collecting games for $5. Who ever won the game got five dollars from the other person. Mum won but I am not giving her $5.
                                  
                                Disappointed about this, Mum took us back to mitre 10. Before we knew it, it was time to go home but on
the way home Mum took us to have a look at the seals.
             
THE END.
THANKS FOR READING.

2 comments:

  1. Hi Izaak. I like the way you told us about the bird. You could tell more about what the bird was like when you got it home. You could describe more about what happened while you were in Westport .could you tell me about what you did on the way

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Izaak.I really like the way you described where you went on your perfect day.The sentences are great Izaak.
    It will be very helpful if you can add a we bit more detail?

    ReplyDelete

Thank-you for your positive, thoughtful, helpful comment.